Her Journey

First I want to thank friends and family for the support and prayers. It helps a lot and will continue to help as we get used to life without my amazing mom. Some days are easier than others and the key is to stay busy as much as possible I guess. It's the little moments that are the hardest, like wanting to pick up the phone to ask her a question, complain about work, or share something new Shea has learned (which has turned into a daily occurrence).

I wanted to share an article my mom wrote in 2008 for our church newsletter and it was read at her prayer service. She never got around to updating it but I think it gives a little insight into what she went through, how strong she was and how absolutely amazing she was. She inspired so many people. Here it is...

The Journey

Everyone thinks they are invincible. Then comes the day the doctor walks in and says, “you have cancer.” The doctor continues to talk. You know that because you see his mouth moving, but time has stopped for you and all you are hearing is blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. You now are forced to face your mortality. It is that moment in time your life and the lives of your family are changed forever.

In January 2004, during an annual physical, a mass in my mesentery was discovered. The doctors were certain it would be benign and scheduled surgery to remove it. During surgery the mass was biopsied and diagnosed as leiomyosarcoma, a very rare and aggressive cancer. The surgery went well and a follow up PET scan showed no more cancer cells. The oncologists were very concerned and told us there is no cure for this cancer and it would come back. Once it metastasized I would be looking at six months. I had CT scans every three months and things were going great. Then in August 2006 my scans showed the cancer was back and had metastasized to my liver and there were other tumors under my skin. It was stage IV. I remember my oncologist looking pale and saying, “I can’t believe this is happening to you.” Now the fight of my life begins.

We were immediately sent to Mayo in Rochester and were told my liver was inoperable. They suggested an aggressive round of infusion chemo, but stated chemo does not work on this cancer so we should get our affairs in order. The next 2 ½ years have been a roller coaster ride. I have gone through two different types of aggressive infusion chemo, and seven different types of oral chemo, as well as a few surgeries to remove tumors. All of which have failed. We have been to Dana Farber in Boston and have consulted with M.D. Anderson in Houston. Each doctor would say, “By the looks of your scans you should not be living.” Now I am in a phase III study that requires us to travel to Omaha, NE every three weeks to get an infusion chemo. Since it is not an approved drug, we have to go to the facility conducting the study.

When this journey started I was shocked, in denial, terrified, absolutely panicked. All I could think of was I cannot leave my family. I kept asking the doctors what about my kids, is this hereditary? They all assured me this type of cancer was not. Thank the Lord!

I knew that I was a Christian, but I did not feel that I was ready to face the Lord. The treatments are tough mentally and physically so I leaned on my friends and family to do the praying. I was afraid to pray and it was hard to go to church on my good days. I did not want God to think that I was ready. My father-in-law, Andy Kraft, was a true Christian in his belief and how he lived his life. He knew I was struggling and could see I needed to find peace in my faith. He would always tell me, “Cheryl, we have to go the cross for this one and it is not easy.” He prayed so hard for me and with me. Tragically, we lost Andy in November 2006 from complications from an elective surgery. I was devastated. He had been my “rock”. My family assured me that he was now in a better position to work on my healing. The next fall we were at a remembrance mass for Andy and others in his parish that had passed. I have to admit I did not really pay attention to the mass because I was praying the entire time for God to listen to Andy. (I was scheduled for a surgery the next day that the doctors said could end up being pretty invasive. I was scared.) That night I had a dream about Andy. Andy came up to me and said, “Cheryl, how are you?” I said, “I don’t know.” He answered, “It will be ok.” He started fading away and I said, “Wait Andy, how are you and what’s it like there?” He came toward me again and said, “I’m good.” Then he was gone. I did not wake up after the dream and did not recall it until I was up the next day. I remember how vivid and beautiful the colors were; his flesh, his shirt, his hair. (My surgery that next day could not have gone any better.) It was at that moment I became calm and accepting of my fate. I do believe I had received the Holy Spirit. It was time for me to turn this fight over to the Lord.

I have never once asked, why me. I do know that God did not put this illness on me—the devil would do that—there is no illness in heaven. Whenever I am struggling physically or mentally I put my faith in God and know that he will take care of me. He is “The Great Physician.” I have found it to be a place of quiet retreat. As I continue through this journey I have come to understand that faith and belief open doors to God’s faithfulness and love. Patience keeps the door open until God’s answer is fulfilled. Perseverance is possible because of God’s love and calming peace. What can I do with this fate? I can share God’s message of love and our love relationship with him through the cross. If it happens to others I can help them through their journey. I have had so many people come up to me and say, “How do you do it. I could have never gotten through my treatment without your inspiration.” A way for me to share God’s Word is about as fulfilling as it gets. Once after some bad news, my daughter came up to me emotionally and said, Mom, aren’t you scared”. I told her I was not because I have received the Holy Spirit and God’s Word says that I will be healed. I saw some calmness come upon her. My tumors continue to grow, however my labs continue to improve. The doctors have no medical explanation. I do believe it is the Lord working on my healing. My legacy for my family is not to pass on the china or that special piece of furniture, but rather make sure they know the Savior-my Lord, believe his Word, and live their lives accordingly. I have found strength through scripture in Romans 5:3-5.

We have been so blessed with great doctors, prayers and deeds of friends, family, co-workers and to each of you fellow parishioners. We remain hopeful. Thank you all.

Cheryl Kraft