Her Journey

First I want to thank friends and family for the support and prayers. It helps a lot and will continue to help as we get used to life without my amazing mom. Some days are easier than others and the key is to stay busy as much as possible I guess. It's the little moments that are the hardest, like wanting to pick up the phone to ask her a question, complain about work, or share something new Shea has learned (which has turned into a daily occurrence).

I wanted to share an article my mom wrote in 2008 for our church newsletter and it was read at her prayer service. She never got around to updating it but I think it gives a little insight into what she went through, how strong she was and how absolutely amazing she was. She inspired so many people. Here it is...

The Journey

Everyone thinks they are invincible. Then comes the day the doctor walks in and says, “you have cancer.” The doctor continues to talk. You know that because you see his mouth moving, but time has stopped for you and all you are hearing is blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. You now are forced to face your mortality. It is that moment in time your life and the lives of your family are changed forever.

In January 2004, during an annual physical, a mass in my mesentery was discovered. The doctors were certain it would be benign and scheduled surgery to remove it. During surgery the mass was biopsied and diagnosed as leiomyosarcoma, a very rare and aggressive cancer. The surgery went well and a follow up PET scan showed no more cancer cells. The oncologists were very concerned and told us there is no cure for this cancer and it would come back. Once it metastasized I would be looking at six months. I had CT scans every three months and things were going great. Then in August 2006 my scans showed the cancer was back and had metastasized to my liver and there were other tumors under my skin. It was stage IV. I remember my oncologist looking pale and saying, “I can’t believe this is happening to you.” Now the fight of my life begins.

We were immediately sent to Mayo in Rochester and were told my liver was inoperable. They suggested an aggressive round of infusion chemo, but stated chemo does not work on this cancer so we should get our affairs in order. The next 2 ½ years have been a roller coaster ride. I have gone through two different types of aggressive infusion chemo, and seven different types of oral chemo, as well as a few surgeries to remove tumors. All of which have failed. We have been to Dana Farber in Boston and have consulted with M.D. Anderson in Houston. Each doctor would say, “By the looks of your scans you should not be living.” Now I am in a phase III study that requires us to travel to Omaha, NE every three weeks to get an infusion chemo. Since it is not an approved drug, we have to go to the facility conducting the study.

When this journey started I was shocked, in denial, terrified, absolutely panicked. All I could think of was I cannot leave my family. I kept asking the doctors what about my kids, is this hereditary? They all assured me this type of cancer was not. Thank the Lord!

I knew that I was a Christian, but I did not feel that I was ready to face the Lord. The treatments are tough mentally and physically so I leaned on my friends and family to do the praying. I was afraid to pray and it was hard to go to church on my good days. I did not want God to think that I was ready. My father-in-law, Andy Kraft, was a true Christian in his belief and how he lived his life. He knew I was struggling and could see I needed to find peace in my faith. He would always tell me, “Cheryl, we have to go the cross for this one and it is not easy.” He prayed so hard for me and with me. Tragically, we lost Andy in November 2006 from complications from an elective surgery. I was devastated. He had been my “rock”. My family assured me that he was now in a better position to work on my healing. The next fall we were at a remembrance mass for Andy and others in his parish that had passed. I have to admit I did not really pay attention to the mass because I was praying the entire time for God to listen to Andy. (I was scheduled for a surgery the next day that the doctors said could end up being pretty invasive. I was scared.) That night I had a dream about Andy. Andy came up to me and said, “Cheryl, how are you?” I said, “I don’t know.” He answered, “It will be ok.” He started fading away and I said, “Wait Andy, how are you and what’s it like there?” He came toward me again and said, “I’m good.” Then he was gone. I did not wake up after the dream and did not recall it until I was up the next day. I remember how vivid and beautiful the colors were; his flesh, his shirt, his hair. (My surgery that next day could not have gone any better.) It was at that moment I became calm and accepting of my fate. I do believe I had received the Holy Spirit. It was time for me to turn this fight over to the Lord.

I have never once asked, why me. I do know that God did not put this illness on me—the devil would do that—there is no illness in heaven. Whenever I am struggling physically or mentally I put my faith in God and know that he will take care of me. He is “The Great Physician.” I have found it to be a place of quiet retreat. As I continue through this journey I have come to understand that faith and belief open doors to God’s faithfulness and love. Patience keeps the door open until God’s answer is fulfilled. Perseverance is possible because of God’s love and calming peace. What can I do with this fate? I can share God’s message of love and our love relationship with him through the cross. If it happens to others I can help them through their journey. I have had so many people come up to me and say, “How do you do it. I could have never gotten through my treatment without your inspiration.” A way for me to share God’s Word is about as fulfilling as it gets. Once after some bad news, my daughter came up to me emotionally and said, Mom, aren’t you scared”. I told her I was not because I have received the Holy Spirit and God’s Word says that I will be healed. I saw some calmness come upon her. My tumors continue to grow, however my labs continue to improve. The doctors have no medical explanation. I do believe it is the Lord working on my healing. My legacy for my family is not to pass on the china or that special piece of furniture, but rather make sure they know the Savior-my Lord, believe his Word, and live their lives accordingly. I have found strength through scripture in Romans 5:3-5.

We have been so blessed with great doctors, prayers and deeds of friends, family, co-workers and to each of you fellow parishioners. We remain hopeful. Thank you all.

Cheryl Kraft

Mom

In case some of you check this for updates on my mom here it is...
A few weeks ago my family decided it was time to have hospice help out. They mainly have been able to adjust her medication as needed to try to keep her comfortable and to supply equipment to help with some physical needs. Obviously no one knows exactly how much time she has left but we do know it's likely not much and definitely not enough. We are all trying to hang in there and there are definitely moments that are so difficult and others where we feel we'll be ok. One thing is for sure Shea is the light in our days and I don't know how any of us would get through this without her.

Please keep our family in your prayers that we can stay strong and get through this very difficult time.

holidays

Playing with Uncle Zach's ipad

first bball hoop....gotta start young!

New Chair!!

I get to tear this open?!?

<3

Loved opening presents!

My auntie is #1


Sorry people...I can't keep up with updates. Life is a little crazy in our world so it's hard to find time to upload pictures and write up novels lately....so here's a semi-short version:

We had a great Christmas and New Years spending lots of time with family, especially my (Kelly) family this year and a few days in Karlstad with Aaron's. It was a wonderful holiday as it was Shea's first Christmas, which really changes the meaning and excitement of it by being her parents and providing wonderful memories for her to cherish like our parents did for us... but of course it was in the back of our hearts and minds that it was most likely my mom's last Christmas with us. My mom is done trying treatments to stop the cancer, there is just nothing that will work, so now we pray that we have as many days left as possible to spend with her. I am just so thankful my mom beat the odds and fought as long as she has to be able to see me get married, become a mom, and now watch Shea grow into the most amazing baby girl with a unique personality and love for her family (grandma included). I hope you all don't take a day for granted and spend as much time with the people you love as you can, you never know what God will have planned for you.

Shea is changing SO much lately! She learns a new trick every day. She has started pulling herself up from a sitting position to standing. She still isn't crawling but she is rocking on all fours ready to take off (she still gets annoyed with being on her tummy for too long so she just may skip crawling and just walk like her daddy). We swear she's a big girl trapped in a baby body. :) She loves to clap and and can rock her body to music. She says "dada dada" all the time, which Aaron loves and ignores me when I tell him she doesn't know what she is saying yet. She is definitely a mommy's girl but thinks daddy is so funny and gets so excited to play with him when he walks into the room. She is just a blessing to so many people, little girl doesn't know how important and special she is to everyone in her life.

Other than those updates our time has been spent surviving the flu (me, Aaron, my mom, my grandma, and my sister all had it), spending LOTS of time with my family, working on school work (I am getting a SMART board for my classroom so my free time lately has been consumed with creating activities for that...look it up if you don't know what it is, I am SO excited to use it in my classroom!), and keeping up with Shea. Aaron is getting VERY excited lately for his annual trip to Scottsdale in February for the PGA tournament. I am very jealous and he owes me a trip hopefully later this spring! :)

Ok, I am probably forgetting things but that's all my mind can come up with for now... not promising another update any time soon but you can check back just in case... :)